Apple Lanterns
The five biggest shopping days of the year for candy are all in October, thanks to Halloween, which sells more candy than any other holiday.
For the candy industry, Halloween is like Christmas. Big sugar co-opted the tradition in the 1950s, but the roots of Halloween extend back much further to the Celtic tradition of Samhain, which honors that moment each year when fall blows in. Samhain’s founding observers saw it as a time when the boundaries between the living and spirit worlds became porous, allowing the spirits to come bang on your door like neighborhood trick-or-treaters.
As time passed and history was written, Samhain absorbed other holidays that also reflected the characteristics of the season, including harvest, death, wind, and the abundance of sweet fruits dangling from trees. Appropriately enough, after the Celts were conquered by the Romans, Samhain merged with Pomona, a celebration of the Roman goddess of the harvest.
Today, as the wind blows spooky and nature’s candy dangles from trees like a real-life fable, we spend more than $9 billion each year on plastic sacks of sugar. The same way Samhain opens the door to the world of the dead, candy opens the floodgates for evil sugar spirits to enter the bodies of children.
The sweetness of an apple, by contrast, doesn’t turn kids into little poltergeists, and the fruit has long been used as a barometer of hunger. Growing up, folks of certain generations were told, “If you aren’t hungry enough to eat an apple, you aren’t really hungry.” Such words have never been said about a Twix bar.
I’m not suggesting people give out apples for Halloween. That would be as creepy as it would be wholesome. By convention, and for everyone’s peace of mind and legal protection, all sugar toxins distributed to trick-or-treaters must be hermetically sealed for safety.
I have an apple tree that produces McIntosh-like apples, blushing dark red with a piercing flavor that’s like an arms race between sweet and tart. Most of the apples go through the cider press, but I try to save a few boxes of the biggest, most beautiful individuals to eat the old fashioned way. I’ve been thinking a lot about that apple hunger test, and noticing that when I’m hungry enough to eat an apple, the fruit’s characteristics become extra vivid. The perfume, sharpness and sweetness become all the more enticing.
When you slice an apple it becomes more edible. I don’t know why, but it’s true. One night not too long ago, I kept slicing apples and the kids kept eating them and before we knew it, everyone was full. And don’t forget pie. My mother in law makes hers with tapioca for extra body. So many apples, so little time.
And at this exact time of year, the absolute best thing to do with an apple is to carve it into a jack-o-lantern. The look like preserved heads from a cannibal’s trophy case, just in time for Halloween. Apple is softer and more forgiving than pumpkin, and you can snack on the bits that you carve away as you go. When it’s done, enjoy the shrunken apple’s shriveled beauty for a week or two, and then, if you wish, eat it like the dried apple it is.
Apple Jack-o’-Lanterns
If you live in a sunny climate, you can shrink apple heads on a windowsill in about a week. You can also use an oven on the lowest setting, or proximity to a heater. However, a dehydrator with shelving you can space widely enough to accommodate an entire apple is the device of choice for making these sweet and sassy skulls.
Ingredients
Apples, the bigger the better
Lime or lemon juice
Peel the apple, going around its “equator,” while leaving a bit of peel around the stem end and its opposite “pole.” When peeled, look at the apple and decide where the face should be. Place the apple on the bottom or “blossom” end, and see how it rests. If it sits at a tilt, then you’ll want the face on the side tilting up. Well, at least I do. But wherever you decide the face should be, sketch it lightly with the point of a knife.
Then use a coring spoon to scoop out the middle of the apple from the opposite side of the face, leaving a big hole in the back of the shrunken head. Scooping the insides allows the apple jack-o’-lanterns to dry more quickly.
Next, carve the mouth; otherwise you might not have enough room below the eyes and nose. That is the extent of any artistic advice that I should be giving, other than to make sure the nose is smaller than the eyes.
Rub the carved apple with lemon or lime juice and place in the center of a dehydrator, with the temperature at 135, for about 12 hours, until they have shrunk to your liking. If using an oven, set it on the lowest setting, with convection on if you’ve got it, and keep a watchful eye on them apples for about 2-6 hours.